Like a cork on a wave, as I rise out of the trough, ready to ride the peak, I seem to be cruelly pulled back down, eventually getting spat into the shallows, wallowing in my own self-pity. OK, totally melodramatic, but it does seem that as I finally seem to be overcoming an injury, I am immediately facing a new one. Torn hamstring and hip rotators 95% mended from the unfortunate cartwheel incident in the spring, I went for a run-hike in the woods for the first time seven months later. I was ecstatic to be breathing in the mossy smells, and feeling the soft earth beneath my feet. My husband and I wove through the familiar trails like I hadn't missed three seasons. Then I started crashing...hitting the deck...8 times! Though my fitness felt great, I didn't seem to have the coordination to negotiate the rocky trails. I recovered awkwardly from 7 of those falls, and we chuckled at my new clumsy form. On the last one, I unconsciously brought my arm over my chest to shield myself from a big rock, and my knuckle punched through my ribs. Pulled back down into the trough of the wave, I looked ahead to another 8-12 weeks of tentative training and exercise. Familiar words swam in my head, as I wallowed in the shallows. I heard them leave my mouth and I believed them to be true.
Broken
Fragile
Old
Useless
I'm on the other side of that injury, I once again see the peak of the wave. This time I have no doubt that I'll be riding that wave. At 42 years of age, something has finally clicked in my understanding of the world. There are no short cuts. Having done hard athletic events in your past does not let you skip the building blocks. Most importantly, words are very powerful.
These words began to create my self-image, and began to erode my intentions to heal. The fact is that it DOES take a long time to heal once you are no longer in your twenties, but I am sure as heck not going to heal sitting on a couch. It's all about tiny consistent steps, and being comfortable with being uncomfortable. At some point I had to learn that tiny movements, done consistently, lead to enormous change over time. I was NOT broken. I was not old, fragile, or useless. I was simply greedy and spoilt, thinking that multiple endurance feats gave me a 'get out of jail free' card. Consistent, dedicated strength sessions were not optional. Eventually 30 second intervals of running evolved to 40 minutes of slow jogging, and my hard intervals on the bike are now my recovery watts. It's happening, and now my words have changed.
Capable
Patient
Grateful
Determined
Strong
